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Decisions and finality, not suspense

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on April 3, 2009 by hadoomystery

This morning I awoke to news that people in my job classification are in jeopardy of losing their jobs. As you can imagine, it has been a rough day.

I have no solid hunches, no inside information to make me feel better or worse. I am left to my own impatience and hope — just a little bit of hope. Our HR rep, in a private meeting, said she believes I likely will be fine. She lies for a living. Not all HR reps do. She does. I don’t trust her, although for the sake of my sanity I might force myself to trust her just this once.

We’re not supposed to find out more until sometime after Easter, which is 10 days away. Until then, we’re all in limbo.

I work for the hospital doing essential work. Fund-raising. It’s the kind of position everyone thinks they can do without until we’re gone, at which point they’ll create a “new” position to fill my absence. I just hope, if I’m canned, that I’m the one they re-hire.

*sigh*

What a terrifying time. Not only might I be out a job, how will I find a new one if I am? I used to think losing my job would be the worst thing in the world. Now, it’s still pretty damn close, but I can think of worse things. That said – Jesus – please let me stay employed.

Where would I go? I’d be okay working at a grocery store. I did that in high school and college and, if you work your way up, the money is doable. Then again, my starting wage would be so low that we’d be hemorrhaging money with our two kids in daycare. So you can see where this is going: I’d be a stay-at-home dad until our kids are in public school, at which point I’d find something part time.

In the meantime, to keep myself busy, I could push for freelance writing gigs. Or find somewhere to work overnights while the kids and my wife are asleep. I could write the Great American Novel and try to sell it in the increasingly nonexistent book market. Or I could make suicide look like an accident so my family can get my life insurance. Nah, not really. But don’t think the thought hasn’t crossed my mind, but it will never happen (I think). I’m too excited to one day proudly wear a “University X Dad” sweatshirt given to me by one of my kids, take a three-week retirement cruise with my wife, play grandpa to a bunch of grandkids.

ARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Oh, to relax.

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